I just can’t box myself.
The moment I believe I am intelligent I see my many moments of stupidity.
The moment I believe I am a bad person I see the purity and kindness of my heart.
When I see my qualities, life is pointing at my shortcomings.
Who am I? How can I say that I am this or that?, I am like this and like that, because I encompass everything, the ugliness and beauty, the white and the black alike. I know that everything is beyond the polarities yet it remains just a fiction (whilst not fully realized) , another concept for the mind to play with and to twist, a theory that is not yet embedded in each particle of my physical and subtle existence.
The Being knows it, it is That, the essence that’s beyond the duality, the place where everything emerged from. Yet the mind and its physical vessel is limiting, because I don’t know yet how to stop it. Of course I know there’s nothing to stop. How can you stop an inexistent car? It’s frustrating, says the mind. Yet the body is relaxing, no longer falling for the mind anxious ways,..It aligns with the Being. I let go, I, that being that IS, and nothing else. Everything else I am not. I am not the mind, not the body, I am not my character and it’s ephemeral qualities. The logic can’t grasp it, because it’s not just a thought put into writing, it’s just That, that I am, that we all are.
Do you see it? Probably. Probably not. Do you feel it, yes! I am certain. I bet some little click happened within, of course the mind will cover it up, trying to hide it, like it deletes everything that’s too abstract for its limited, squary logic to grasp, but this click is not possible to delete, because it comes from that which unites us all. It is eternal. Unbound. Unstoppable. Like a tsunami. But it can be delayed, because the mind in its existing inexistence controls another illusion which is time. But that little click will slowly blossom and the process is unstoppable, remember. Let what’s a dream vanish, and what’s true stay. In time we will master the method. We are One.
So who am I? Can’t tell. But I know that everything that I thought I was, I am not.
As soon as I box myself, I see the box,.. It used to be invisible, but slowly I started feeling it, because the mind created it. So what am I? I just am. I am.
I am like a seed. A seed that used to want to grow into a full-fledged tree in the world, but I have to find my way back. To re-learn how to be a seed and stay there, unborn, unsprouted, uncreated, bathing in the eternal bliss of Sat Chit Ananda.
I am not running away from the world, from life. On the contrary, I embrace it fully, looking so immersed in it, yet something is different this time. I am no longer on “autopilot” mode. I am more and more aware. This awareness is slowly growing and things that used to be there, fixed in my character start to vanish or become fainter.
To be continued…