Many get the wrong impression, inspired by Hollywood movies propaganda, that love should be the fulfillment of all the sensual desires, happiness, joy and peace delivered by our partner, eternally looking for someone to provide us with that which we should rather find within ourselves first. I realized that what I assumed to be love in the past was just a very limited, distorted and watered-down idea of what true Love is, and how it is supposed to happen.
Firstly, one has to understand that Love is unrelated to any person, it either is within or it is not. In reality, it is intrinsic in all of us, yet hidden under heavy layers of trauma, propaganda and negative programming. You can try to mimic it, but that will not resist the test of time and the fake will undoubtedly be revealed in due time. Love with the capital “L” is selfless and impersonal. When you “love” someone, you say that you want them to be happy, but in reality that might be very conditional, limited, and manipulative. What kind of love is that? It’s definitely not unconditional, or pure as it should be; it just means you just want to possess and control that person and have them deliver you that feeling that you’re incapable of feeling within yourself.
You might then have the same selfish type of love that a gardener has: he cuts a beautiful rose, knowing that it will eventually fade, wither and eventually die shortly in the vase, no matter how much care it’ll invest in it.
Same we do when we knowingly or unknowingly try to cunningly manipulate our lover into delivering what we assume is best for us, selfishly and sturdily molding them into something that we assume would be the best for us to have, many times also ignorantly believing that might be the best for them. Even if we succeed in changing them, we will end up destroying that person’s particular character that made us be attracted to them in the first place, and we might lose interest in them if they haven’t lost interest before us.
That’s why the only true love I see as such between two people is when we accept and even encourage the full expression of the other’s character and peculiarities, full acceptance of the way their soul chose to manifest.
True love is when you see a beautiful rose, you enjoy its beautiful color and the amazing scent without trying to possess it, but you bless it and care for it selflessly. Hard, I know, yet not impossible. Once you do it, you won’t go back to the selfish and possessive type of love you were taught or rather programmed to have.
You can definitely enjoy a peaceful couple’s life, but you won’t project anything on it, you will be giving that person full trust, love, full freedom of expression and movement even if it might go against your wishes, and you’ll be proud of yourself, not in any egotistical way, but you will realize that you have touched a subtler level of love that many are unaware of. By doing so, you qualify for a higher level of relationship, a more refined kind of love when you finally discover a lover that will share the same views, and they’ll shower you with their Love as you also shower them with yours.
Love is not about possession or changing others. Love is about nurturing and encouraging others to fully and freely express their character, and fully accepting that freedom of theirs while expressing fully ourselves too. We can certainly declare that we’ve hit the jackpot when both parties (us and our lover) express themselves fully and neither is disturbed by the other’s free flow, when there’s full acceptance and fondness of each other. In true Love neither of the parties should be “walking on eggshells”!
Love is either there or is not,. Hoping someone might start loving you might be silly and the effort you put into it might not be worthwhile, although it may also happen that the recognition of the other might happen on a later date, as everything happens in the right time and place. We should rather just flow with our inner inexhaustible Love and let it overflow. Expect nothing and be happy, grateful, joyful, and equanimous, not because it’s reflected back at us, but because we are Love and that is our true nature.
From the human perspective, it is amazing if it’s also reciprocated. But once you accept the idea that you might not get it back the way you expected it, you stop seeing the unreciprocated love as loss; you just selflessly give it, allowing people to be free in their choice of the response to your love.
That does not mean at all that you will stupidly “throw pearls before swines”, but you will silently shine onto everything and everyone indiscriminately, as the sun also does onto us all, whilst still not allowing people who are unworthy to be connected to your unconditional love flow indefinitely.
Love, as in the emotional, limited love between a man and a woman that we see all around us, is still just another level of a fancier and more sophisticated trap, a reproductive program planted into us to ensure the perpetuity of the human species … In reality, we should become Love! Train it till you make it! Really, I tell you, we all are that already, so there’s no real training or becoming anything, but remembering our true nature, removing programming and re-establishing ourselves into our real essence that got forgotten.
Become that impersonal, all-encompassing Love! Indiscriminately loving everything and everyone will make us able to uproot ourselves from the thralls of the illusion… Limited love, in which both have their own hidden agendas, is a very rudimentary program of control through selfishness, that can be transcended by becoming more selfless every single day.
I know that if you come closer to becoming Love, if you haven’t yet already, you will definitely encounter the one and only true counterpart of yourself who will see things in a similar way, and the human concept of love will be fulfilled too, and beyond your expectations. Life never fails to deliver that which we are worthy of having.
Inspired by and dedicated to Jivanmukti and Siddha Param-Para 