Give people the freedom to be who they want to be, how they want to be, and with whom they want to be. Love doesn’t mean control. True love means total surrender to life and to the partner. Real love is devoid of possessiveness or jealousy. When we truly love someone, that true love is changing us and is pulling us “up”, out of the old idea of what “love” use to mean in the past, when the need to control the partner was part of the “normal love” characteristics, jealousy was seen as a result of love and possessiveness a sign of love and attachment.
Actually although it may interfere with your way of understanding love now, real love is the capacity of letting go of your lover(if needed) for the sake of their happiness. Whatever we have, be it things, people or any other things we are supposed to hold them with the open hand, not tight, but like we are holding a butterfly, without touching so we won’t damage and keeping the hand fully open so that they are free to leave whenever they feel like. This approach will create a current of positive energy that will bring you everything you need and will help you to lose all the pointless things and people.
Are you able to do it? It’s very hard, I know. Very hard because it’s so otherworldly that it doesn’t make any sense to anyone. Why? Because we are all players. Our own insecurity and lack of confidence, plus the lack of like-minded people that see the things the same way makes this task almost impossible. It’s unfortunate to project this kind of love onto unworthy people because they’re going to take advantage of us and use it against us. But so what? even if we do it , we did our best, we gave everything, if the love is genuine we’ll be happy for them that they found their happiness elsewhere. But if your love is not genuine why were you with them in the first place? If you did it with a person that wasn’t the right one, take it as a training that brings you close to perfection for the real soul mate.
Be selfless and taking everything lightly, with ease, patience and understanding. Your old player mind will say: “I told you, you and your sincerity and genuineness, look where they took you…” But don’t worry, the Universe has its way of balancing everything, you will find a more worthy partner. The real test of love comes when you are facing defeat, when you lost the person you think you love. Someone very dear to me once said: “If you are sinking, sink graciously…” Thank you dear for the wonderful teaching!, for me it became a very important thing to work with: learning to lose, since before learning to win anything one must learn how to lose.
In those moments thoughts of vengeance and violence arise in one’s mind. Where is the love? It is blinded by fear, of being alone, of being without the person that we were trying to be with (or to control). Love is letting go, with grace, with humbleness and with understanding. Let him/her go and if they are meant to be yours they’re going to be there with you or coming back soon. Isn’t it better to lose a person which is not destined to be with you? Why would you want to have someone who is not for you?
Offer what you want to receive! It works in love as well as in whatever part of life. You want sincerity? be sincere, you want honesty, freedom, understanding, peacefulness? then offer them yourself and you will be getting them back. It’s possible that it may not be from the same person, but then open yourself for knowing the real one, one that shares the same values that complements you, which completes you, and that understands love and life the exact way that you understand it. Although 100% compatibility may be an utopia, be ready to compromise, learn to let go of control and stop playing game of string in the relationship. When we truly love someone compromising doesn’t seem to be compromising at all, it’s just a natural flow of Being. Learn to sacrifice own stiffness for the flexibility of flowing in love and life.
The game of string is when you falsely let go of a person because you know that the reverse psychology will bring them to you, it is a lower level game, a game of control and deceit. Some play it on a smaller level, not answering messages or playing hard to get. Learn to be vulnerable in true love, but first make sure that the person that you are with it is “the one”. The one might be recognized by the “love at first sight”(although it’s not happening all the time) feeling or at least is how my intuition tells me that it has to be. At least the feeling of knowing him/her, or a deep feeling of like-mindedness should be there. It is not very often that one may feel that, of course being attracted and feeling of good chemistry may feel like it, yet it may not be.
The recognition of the real past connection, or a connection with a like-minded being is a relationship that is very nourishing but also very demanding, challenging and transformative, with lots of hard work from both side, but in the end the prize is the ultimate love, the perfect partnership. Are you ready to sacrifice old beliefs and stereotypes which delude people and transforms them into hypocrites that are hiding who they truly are, because they are afraid of losing their lover? Are you ready to remove desire to control, are you ready to surrender everything to the flow of life trusting it fully? Are you ready to accept to be vulnerable?
Who would you like the lover that you desire, to fall inlove with? With the role that you are playing, or with the real you? It works the same in physical, mental and spiritual level, why creating a version of yourself that the other may like? Show yourself with all the things that you may not be so proud of, but by exposing everything you don’t risk to lose the person afterwards, let them run now when it’s early, but if they don’t run, you got yourself a person who really love you for who you truly are.
Find out first, who you truly are since you were used to play role games your whole life, and then, expose yourself entirely. You will lose unnecessary people in the process, but it’s all part of the new You. Everything that is no longer important will disappear, it will dissolve by itself you will start attracting real like-minded people since you are no longer a hypocrite. Fake attracts fake and real attracts real. Be what you want to attract in your life 😉.
Don’t confuse being a cad with being free or expressing yourself. Being who you are is devoid of aggressiveness or show-off, no hidden agenda nor bad intentions. It is pure expression of self without fear, and without dissimulation.
Due to certain veils one of the factions may not be able to recognize the other as being the love of their life in potentiality, but patience, true love, understanding and humbleness may be a good approach to make them recognize you.
Dear readers, I wish to all of you that you find that soul mate, that real being which make you vibrate love and harmony, may your own metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly bring you the butterfly that you deserve.
Inspired by and dedicated to Jivanmukti and Siddha Param-Para 